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Cat Definitions


Aquarium: interactive television for cats.

Cat: 1. a lapwarmer with a built-in buzzer.
2. a four footed allergen.
3. a small, four-legged, fur-bearing extortionist.
4. a small, furry lap fungus.
5. a treat-seeking missile.
6. a wildlife control expert.
7. one who sleeps in old, empty pizza boxes.
8. a hair relocation expert.
9. an unprogrammable animal.

Cataclysm: any great upheaval in a cat's life.

Catatonic: a feline medicinal drink.

Caterpillar: a soft scratching post for a cat.

Cat Scan: to look for a new cat.

Dog: a cat's device for running practice.

Door: something a cat always wants to be on the other side of.

Energy: the element of vitality cats always have an oversupply of until you try to play with them.

Human: an automatic door opener for cats.

Impurrsonate: to act like the cat.

Kitten: a small homicidal muffin on legs; affects human sensibilities to the point of endowing the most wanton and ruthless acts of destruction with near-mythical overtones of cuteness. Not recommended for beginners. Get at least two.

Purrade: an organized march of cats.

Purradise: the garden of Cats.

Purramour: a cat lover.

Purranoia: the fear that your cat is up to something.

Purraphernalia: a cat's personal belongings.

Purrch: any favored feline napping spot.

Purrchase: anything bought for a cat.

Purrfume: the scent of an open can of tuna.

Purrgatory: a houseful of kittens.

Purrmission: a feline hunting expedition.

Purrpetual: everlasting feline love.

Purrplex: a house with two or more cats.

Purrson: a male kitten.

Purrsuit: the garment your shedding cat rubs against just as you are leaving home to go to an important meeting.

Purrverse: a poem about a wicked kitty.

Tooraloorailurophobia: an irrational fear of Irish cats.

Tuner: sonar-like device in cat food that causes cats to appear.

Yawn: a cat's honest opinion openly expressed.